Forgiveness is a life line.

                                                                       S. Muhammad

You can forgive and not excuse the act....

Can we agree that we tend to hold grudges with our partners more often than we do with a total stranger? If someone bumps into you in the store, as long as they say “excuse me” we smile and say “no problem, and sincerely move on and continue forward. When the bill collector calls we find all the right words to use, to get an extension. At work we help to resolve conflict and work hard to be a team player. How can we do this for everyone else? How is it we have such a hard time with forgiving each other in marriage?

Do you know why we are so quick to give a stranger a pass and not our loved one? Here’s why, your public image being represented correctly. That is an area you find value in. That is why you grant the stranger a pardon. The integrity you show when you call and make arrangements to pay the bill. Again this is an area of value for you. You want to be recognized for promotions at the job, again valuable to you. There is a need or void that the paycheck fulfills ,the representation and integrity fills something in us.

However the one we love can apologize three and four times over.  We say we have moved on to their face, while we secretly hold the offense against them. All the while your love one is thinking that the relationship is forever strained. Lying and saying we have let it go is just as worse. Talking about it is good, we should talk about the issue. However, if we won’t perform the request to give mercy, then we set ourselves up to become bitter. Find the value of your relationship. Know what it is worth.

Bitterness is like water. Like water it will erode anything in its path over a period of time. Bitterness has the same effect on your relationship it will erode the love, joy, peace, and worth you feel for the one you love. You have to still have love. If you find that you are experiencing this symptom, it is just a symptom it is not the problem. You have to uproot it. It serves you no purpose. Bitterness is not the problem, it is a symptom of the lack of forgiveness. 

Take the time and locate the area or issue that needs attention. You have to locate the pain and speak on it clearly. e aware of your thoughts they control your emotions. Then talk, think and sit in the love you feel for your spouse and start to let go and move on. This cost you absolutely nothing. Just change your thought and be extremely grateful.

“I laid in the hospital bed and I saw myself forgive him” I just saw it that clearly."

Let's venture away from marriage and relationship for a minute.

Can you remember the horrific day that 10 little Amish girls were shot and five died. And not  more than a week later the Amish community pardoned the man that killed the little girls.

The world was shocked! In every area of media the reaction was "awe and shock. People were speechless at the act of forgiveness of such a tragedy. Why would they do that, was the question that was being asked to the Amish community.

However, everyone really does understand why the Amish community showed mercy to the man that took the children's lives. We are born with it. It is required of us. We practice unconsciously at times. However in some societies there are acts that are deemed unforgivable. Only one has that power. 

We are required to forgive in order to be forgiven. Never was it written that it would be easy or even pain free.

What was really being asked is, how did they pardon the act? How did they take on such a substantial amount of pain and in such a short period of time offer mercy? How did they bow and submit to the Supreme Being in such pain. It was instant.

The Amish did not just say they forgave the man. They acted on their word. The Amish community  reached out and cared for the wife of the man that took their children from them. They attended the mans funeral in great numbers. They acted on their words and the world watched in shear wonder. What we all ask is how do you start to see letting such hurt go when it seems to be stuck?

You love this person, don't you want to have all the freedom to be able to express the love that you longed to share in the first place?
Remember the reasons you announced to the people you cherish most that this the the one I love and want to share all my joy, happiness, pain, love and disappointments with. For better and for worse.

We believe with all our hearts that the act of absolution saved our marriage, our family and our lives.

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